Catching Up on Stuff, Oh and Kim Kardashian!

It’s been awhile since I’ve written here and I’m starting to feel like I say that at the beginning of all of my posts now. Life somehow got really busy. Anyway to catch people up on some stuff real quick it turns out my Grandfather doesn’t have cancer, he was misdiagnosed and has COPD which at his age is not fun either. So i guess I wont be as disgusted when Danica Patrick Twitter Bombs me with COPD information. In better news I proposed to my girlfriend a few weeks ago. She said yes and will soon become the Baroness. Hazah! Oh an apparently I was wrong about the Big 12 the Big East is apparently done.

Speaking of Marriage was anyone actually surprised that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are now divorced. Honestly I thought it might last longer than the summer but it was on a one way course for distruction from the beginning. Also if you play in the NBA and nobody knew you before you started dating a Kardashian is it really smart to buy a 2.5 million dollar ring. That has to be close to his annual salary, not including the money he made while on any of the various Kardashian shows on the E! network. (Ryan Seacrest is a wealthy, wealthy man.) So back to the ring, its no wonder NBA players are always going bankrupt. The diamonds on the ring were bigger than Kim’s eyes...for another million he could’ve gone for a Khloe larger sized diamond. But looking at the ring wasn’t your first thought, how much South African blood was shed so that ring could be made. One last note on the ring. I read on TMZ that Kim put in the prenup that she would pay Kris the purchase price for the ring if they ever got a divorce. Her birth father was one of OJ’s lawyers. Yes that OJ. She didn't know that she gets to keep the ring anyways. So she put in a legal document that she would pay the 2.5 million dollar ring instead of just getting to keep it.

The real story is the length of the marriage, if there is a story at all. I saw a hash tag on twitter this week #longerthanKimsmarriage. Which got me thinking was anyone married a shorter time than Kim and Kris? I first thought about Brittany Spears but that marriage to Jason Alexander was annulled so it didn’t actually happen. Although after doing some quick research I found that there have been a lot of short celebrity marriages. Drew Berrymore was married to Jeremy Thomas for 2 weeks, Dennis Rodman was married to Carmen Electra for 9 days, and Dennis Hopper was married to Michelle Phillips for 8 days. The most interesting one I found was Eddie Murphy and Tracy Edmonds who were married for 2 weeks but divorced before coming back to the United States. I think the reason the Kim Kardashian marriage is such a big deal is the money that she made getting married from E!. She reportedly made 17 million dollars. Assuming the math is correct she made $236,111.11 for each day she was married. That breaks down to $9837.96 an hour, $163.97 a minute, or $2.73 a second that she was married. The most depressing this is the whole thing will happen again. Saturday Night Live did a spoof this week where E! aired a special Divorce episode for the couple. I wouldn’t put it past this family they will apparently take money for anything.

So back to the longer than Kim’s marriage hash tag. What did last longer than her marriage? Sticking with the Kardashian family, the OJ Simpson Murder trial lasted 9 months which is about 6.5 months longer than her marriage. Kim and Kris were engaged for 3 months which is approximately 3 weeks longer than their marriage. The NBA lockout has lasted 128 days which is 18 days from being twice as long. Although the Statue of Liberty was built, disassembled, shipped to America, and rebuilt the process to 9 years...much longer than the marriage. I could obviously go on much longer with things that lasted longer than 72 days but I think you get the point.

Stay posted I hope to start writing more and making time to post.

College Football Expansion and the death of the Big 12.

College Football Conference Expansion is back in the news again with Texas A&M making the move the SEC in a few years. It seems to me that the Big 12 may be a defunct league in a few years if they don’t find a way to keep some of its schools. It’s fun to think about where the other Big 12 teams might go if there is no longer a Big 12. Obviously in order to discuss this we need to make some assumptions. First let’s assume everyone runs from the Big 12 to other conferences. Let’s also assume that conferences will jump to 16 teams. Also let’s assume that Clemson and Florida State will move to the SEC with Texas A&M. (This by the way is a terrible idea for all three schools.)

Ok so in the last two years the Big 12 has lost Nebraska, Colorado, and Texas A&M. Based on the fact that the SEC, Big Ten, and Pac 12 all have 12 or more teams they will be staying around. The SEC is going to end up with 16 teams. So who do the Pac 12 and Big 10 pick up to keep pace. If the Big 12 becomes defunct that will likely mean that the Texas will become an Independent. Just like Notre Dame they have their own TV contract, recruiting won’t be affected right away and they have a national fan base. I think the Big Ten will still try to pick up Syracuse from the Big East. I also think Oklahoma would make sense too. (I’ve heard this rumor so why not). That means the Big 10 needs two more teams. It makes the most sense to pull from the Big 12 North. Missouri makes the most sense for the teams left in the Big 12 North, plus they already have a little rivalry with Illinois. After that I think the best option from the Big 12 might be Oklahoma St which brings one of Oklahoma’s rivals with them. It will take some realigning in the Big 10 divisions but that seems like a tough conference that could compete with the SEC any day of the week.

Now who will the Pac 12 pick up to get to 16 teams? If they take from the Big 12 Kansas and Kansas St. make a lot of sense. They also were talking about taking Texas Tech a couple years ago too. So that’s 3 teams without having to pluck from the non-BCS conferences. I also think if the Pac 12 came calling BYU would drop the Independent discussion. The Pac-12 is easy and difficult at the same time. In order to get BCS schools they have to pull from schools halfway across the country, if they stay on the West Coast they are looking at Nevada, BYU, Hawaii, and Colorado St.? There is no chance the Pac 12 picks anyone out of that foursome except BYU.
So now the SEC, Big Ten, and Pac 12 have their 16 teams. What happens to the Big East and ACC? Well there are still a couple of teams left in the Big 12, Baylor and Iowa State. Baylor makes more sense in the Big East than the ACC but only because TCU just joined them. Iowa State is the odd man out for sure though. They don’t make sense for the Big Ten because let’s be honest they are not a good football team. Outside of the interstate rivalry with Iowa they don’t bring a lot to the table. They might end up in the MAC or MWC. However bringing Baylor into the Big East doesn't finish it because there will only be 10 teams which mean they need 6 more to get to 16 teams. The other thing that the Big East needs to look at while expanding is how it will affect Basketball because they have a lot of schools that are Basketball but not football like Georgetown, Setan Hall, Villanova, etc. If the Big East goes to 16 teams then they will have to drop some of their Basketball only schools and I don’t see that happening unless a basketball school is ready for their football team to make the leap. Right now I think the only school in a position to do that is Villanova. So it’s more likely that the ACC plucks 6 teams out of the Big East. They took 3 teams a few years back when Va Tech, Boston College, and Miami from the Big East.

So I think it would make sense to bring Pitt, WVU, USF, and Connecticut. Which still leaves 2 schools to join? One question I have is can the ACC lure Kentucky and make a super basketball conference that would always compete with the Big East. If UK comes over then the ACC could also grab Louisville. This opens the door for the SEC to pick up one more school. I’m not sure that UK leaves though and geographically it doesn’t make sense to pick up Louisville or Cincinnati in the ACC and TCU and Baylor don’t make a lot of sense. This is where the expansion part gets confusing.

The one thing I am pretty sure of though is this will lead to a quasi playoff in college football. A team will need to win its Conference championship in order to compete in the National Championship game. Its fun to think about but it’s also sad to think about a lot of the tradition that I grew up with in college football will not be there anymore.

Comedians and Freedom of Speech

I am sitting in a training room proctoring an exam. Is there a better way to pass the time then by typing a blog? I say no. On a quick note this day of training sucks because I literally sit here and wait for people to finish taking their exam, but today is especially terrible because it’s a Friday and I’m going to be here until 5pm. Anyways I have some friends who have been asking for a blog so I figured I would try to come up with something. If it sucks I blame them.

I read this week that Adam Carolla was in trouble with GLAAD and the LGBT again for some comments he made at a Comedy Club and on his podcast that they found offensive. More than likely the comments were offensive but I’m going to venture out and say that the people who found it offensive do not subscribe to his podcast or pay money to go to his shows. While the Aceman made a comment about trannies during his show he also regularly talks about how Gay Marriage should be legalized. (As he says on his show he wants it legalized so they can all shut the hell up.) While I think he mostly states that last part as a joke he still supports the cause and I bet GLAAD or the LGBT never mention that when they are complaining about him making slanderous comments. Plus if you listen to his show you can easily argue that there are other groups of people who have a bigger complaint when it comes to Carolla’s comedic prejudices. I mean we all watched the Man Show back in the day it’s not really a surprise that he makes these comment.

But the bigger issue here is why comics can’t go on stage anymore and make outrageous jokes like they used. I mean it’s not like I get offended when Chris Rock or Eddie Griffin make fun of white people. If someone doesn’t think they are funny then they shouldn’t listen to them or pay money for their shows. But why should comedy suffer as a whole. Why is it ok for people to crack wise on people from West Virginia, Dumb Blonde, or Rednecks all the time but the minute you make a black joke or a gay joke its offensive. To be honest all of the jokes are playing on a stereotype and are equally mean spirited.

Lately we have all heard about Tracy Morgan’s issues with his standup act while making anti-gay comments or jokes about disabled people. Both of these situations I wouldn’t really put in the category of the situations in the previous two paragraphs but in both situations Tracy has issued apologies. Does this mean that every time a comedian makes fun of a specific demographic that they will need to apologize? Is that what it has come to in this society?

I listen to Adam Carolla on a regular basis. From time to time he will go on rants about religion and whether or not there is a God and making fun of the people who believe. I consider myself a Christian and I go to church most Sundays and yes at times I think the line is crossed. But at the same time a lot of it is funny and some of the people he is joking on I agree with. But he has never made a comment that has made me want to stop listening to him. If that’s all he ever talked about on the podcast maybe I wouldn’t listen but that’s only because it’s not entertaining to me.

I think it has gotten to a point where these groups that spend their time complaining about what a comedian, pro athlete, or an public figure has made in public to the media they are stepping over the lines. In grade school when kids would complain about everything someone else said or go to the teacher with something people called them a tattle tale and that nobody liked a tattle tale. Even parents tell their kids to mind their own business. To an extent isn’t this the same thing. Can’t people just ignore people they don’t agree with anymore? Does it have to make the nightly news?

Oh well just something I was thinking about the other day. If you don’t agree that’s fine you don’t have to that’s why it’s my opinion.

NFL Players on a Reality Show of their Own.

After finishing my previous post I had a thought. It was along the lines of how NFL players could entertain us even if they were not playing football. The theory is put 6 or 7 NFL players in a house similar to the show the Real World on MTV. While MTV might be cool with hosting this show on their network it should really be on HBO then it could be uncut. Plus if there is not a season HBO will need to find something to replace HARDKNOCKS. This show could be called the House of HARD KNOCKS.

Now I am already thinking of a group of guys for this show. Guys like Antonio Cramartie, Chris Cooley, Ben Rothlesburger, DeSean Jackson, Tim Tebow, and Chad Ocho Cinco. Could you imagine the things that would happen in this house? Cramartie made a name for himself last year on HARDKNOCKS when he started naming his children, it didn’t take a math genius to realize one woman couldn’t have all of those children. Ben Rothlesburger…do I even need to explain? DeSean Jackson is the cocky SOB that everyone hates. Reality shows need this guy so the rest of the house can bond. Tebow is the Christian boy that every show seems to have on it. Cooley is an original prankster and that’s all I needed to know, but a dude who accidently posts a picture of his junk online is going to be good for unintentional comedy. I couldn’t imagine making a show like this without Chad Ocho Cinco.

The basic premise is simple they live in a house together with no TV or cell phones and are taped all day and night. They have to go out to the bar at night otherwise who is going to watch this show. Obviously the show is not going to let Rothlesburger commit a crime…allegedly. But it will be just as fun to watch him try to get these girls. Plus the thought of Tim Tebow at a bar is humorous to me for some reason. There can even be the twist of making them work at some BS job while they are on the show. It can be as ridiculous as the Jersey Shore cast working at the Shore Store or a Gelato Shop or as legit as working with a charity.

Now the next thing is where will they film? What city would be the most fun to watch this group in? I think they need to be in Miami, New Orleans, Cancun, Las Vegas, or Southern California. It needs to be a city with a night life and a place that is used to seeing celebrities.

One idea is to add women to the house. It really depends on what the producers want the show to be because adding women to the house adds another element then all guys. There will be more drama that is for sure. If women were the case I would add Ines Sainz, a couple cheerleaders (at least one from Dallas), Jennifer Starkey (DC Divas of the Womens Football Association), and maybe a girl from the Lingerie Football League to the house. If the women are added then a couple of the men will need to be removed so there are not too many people. Jennifer Starkey really does play for the DC Divas and they really are a Women’s Professional Football team but it could be any woman from any women’s team. I know this will never happen but it’s great to think about.

The NFL Lockout: What to do if it lasts through the Season?

After waking up this morning and getting ready for work I sat down to watch SportsCenter while I ate my breakfast. One of the first stories that they talked about was the NFL Lockout, at this point I am tired of the NFL lockout. What surprised me the most was it is day 100 of the NFL lockout. At this point it hasn’t affected much except for some off season training camps and mini camps. But we are now at the end of June and normally teams come together for preseason camp in July and the preseason games kickoff in early August. This means we are a month away from the NFL lockout effecting the NFL season.

This is a scary thought to many football fans. The reason being what will men do on Sundays, Monday Nights, some Saturday Nights, and eventually Thursday Nights if the lockout heads into the regular season? Let’s focus on Sunday for a minute. Without Football there will be no drinking beer with your buddies and eating wings or whatever football treat you enjoy. Instead men will have to go to Home Depot and work on projects around the house. They might have to do chores like vacuum or mow the grass. Whatever it is we end up doing it will not be as enjoyable as sitting on the couch with a cold beer watching football. So my thought was to come up with things to do if the NFL does not agree to a new collective bargaining agreement and the lockout continues into the season.

1) Tailgate in the Church parking lot after service. Since there is not game to go to we need a place where we can pull out our Smokey Joe’s and pop open a few cold ones. Note: Some churches may frown on this act. Ok this isn’t really a good idea but why not?
How long until I start missing football again: Immediately.

2) Get into NASCAR. The races last about as long as a football game. It might not be 22 guys beating the crap out of each other but every once in awhile Kevin Harvick (or his owner) might throw a punch at Kyle Busch. Plus the Chase starts in September. For those of you who are confused by the last sentence you lose 5 America points, but the Chase is NASCAR’s 10 race playoff.
How long until I start missing Football again: November when the season is over.

3) Start watching the MLB. The great news is there is a game on every night. They are usually cheaper than football games. It’s a summer sport so tailgating is still an option. Plus September is when the contenders start making their runs to the playoffs and well October is when the magic happens.
How long until I start missing football again: October, maybe November if the series goes to 7 games.

4) Watch College football. This is the most realistic option. It’s similar to the NFL just a little slower. If you are not used to watching it the Spread may seem odd. But overall there are games on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nights. Then there are games on from Noon until late into the evening on Saturday on channels from CBS, ABC, MASN, ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN U, ESPN 3, ESPN Plus, and ESPN the Ocho. Just kidding about the OCHO.

How long until I start missing football again: December for two weeks until the Bowl games start. In mid January when the National Championship has been played it will happen again. January is where it will hurt the most because if the lockout is still going on we will miss out on the Super Bowl.

5) Play golf. If all else fails grab your clubs and hit the course. It will get you out of the house for four hours and you won’t have to do yard work.
How long until I start missing football again: Depends on how well you play.

Hopefully the owners and the players can come to an agreement soon and we will not have to contemplate these ideas anymore. But the closer we get to August and then September the more it seems this is going to last awhile. I heard an interview with Chris Collinsworth yesterday. He is a wide receivers coach for his son’s high school football team. This cannot be a good sign when the man who calls Sunday Night Football is accepting a job that would have him working in the fall instead of preparing to call NFL games on Sunday Nights.

In other sports news the NBA may be heading towards a lockout in the coming months. The difference is the NBA is really in the red. The real difference being if the NBA doesn’t play next season is that the league may never recover. It will find itself in a similar position to what the NHL experienced in 2005. And that’s all I’ll say about that because nobody cares about the NBA anyways.

The Evolution of the Drinking Game

I remember when I first started drinking many of the games we card games. We would sit around our dorm rooms and play Asshole, Kings, F the dealer, Golf, a bunch of other ones I don’t remember. The only thing I remember about Asshole is that there is a President, Vice President, other various cabinet members, beer bitch and the Asshole. I know the beer bitch gets the beer and the asshole does what everyone else tells them to do, oh and the President eventually gets to make a rule if he is president long enough. I know Kings has a waterfall and a cup that the loser has to drink. The cup is full of whatever various drinks ended up being poured in it during the game.

At some point in college we started playing beer pong and flip cup. I’m thinking everyone got tired of card games and holding solo cups so they created ways to use those cups to advance their drinking. Both of these games are fun and involve teams which add to the excitement. At this point I think everyone should know what these games involve. Beer Pong does vary from house to house but the premise is the same. Sink the ball in the cup. At one point one of my friends created a game called bong pong. This had no competitive purpose but was another creative way to drink. Basically you have at least 2 people. One holds a beer bong full of beer. The other shoots a ping pong ball into the beer bong. If the shooter makes it the person holding it drinks. Once the person shoots they now have to hold the beer bong.

Oh and don’t forget QUARTERS!

Since college I have learned 3 new variations of these games. Apparently drinking games have a shelf life and need to be revamped to stay exciting. I personally think it’s a great thing. The new inventive ways to play these games add a challenge and makes it important to put a good team together.

The first game I learned at my brother’s college graduation from West Virginia University. I asked someone at the house what the name of the game was because I thought it was so much fun. He had no answer so I eventually started calling it the Beer triathlon. It involves the skills of flip cup, quarters, and beer pong. It is best played with teams of 4 but can be played with two if you really want to drink a lot. The first contestant starts by bouncing a ping pong ball into a cup and then drinking the beer from the cup once they have made it. This is the “Quarters” step. Yes I know it’s not a quarter but you get the idea. Then you drink the next cup and flip it until it lands on its top. Once the first two steps are completed the player shoots at a cup sitting at the other end of the table. Once the first person on the team completes all three stations the next person starts. This continues until all members of the team finish. The first team to finish wins. It really takes a team effort to pull this off. It gets interesting as the alcohol sets in because people are running all over chasing ping pong balls to help the shooter.

Yesterday I was at the bar after my kickball game where I learned two more games. All I know is I can’t wait until the next time I get to play.

The first game is called Black Out. I was a little scared based on the name. This game includes the skills of flip cup and beer pong. The teams line up opposite each other on a beer pong table. A rack of 6 cup beer pong is set up on each end of the table. Each team member then fills up their own cup for the flip cup game. The teams start the flip cup game when the last person flips their cup successfully they take a shot at the beer pong rack. If the shot is made then the person at the end of the other line drinks it. Then the team rotates and starts the flip cup segment again. This continues until one team has eliminated all of the beer pong cups from their opponent’s side of the table. Now if at any time a person misses the shot the team must complete a round of flip cup before the person can shoot again. This continues every time the shooter misses a shot. So either you have a team that can shoot really well in beer pong and the game ends relatively quickly or you don’t and you end up drinking a lot of beer. Either way you get to feel good because there are no real losers in drinking games. This game is best played with 4 or more people on a team but again can be played with as few as 2 people.

The last game is called Nemesis. It is a beer pong game with at least 3 people and 15 cups. The difference with this game is each person on your team has a nemesis on the other team. The other big difference is one side doesn’t shoot at a time. Each Nemesis pairing shares a ball. You drink whenever your nemesis makes a cup and only when your Nemesis makes a cup. You also can only shoot the ball that your nemesis and you share. There are two re-racks in the game at 10 and 6 cups. In this game you only drink if you are partnered up with a Nemesis that can make cups. The winning team makes all of the cups on their opponent's side of the table first. Noe redemptions.

Now I know there are other games out there that I have not listed her and to be honest you can turn anything into a drinking game. I have a drinking games app on my phone which has a subsection that gives you rules for movies and TV shows. It has been exciting to watch where drinking games have gone since I started playing them and it’s even more exciting to see where they will go. I just need to keep my skills sharp so when my future children come home from college their old man can still hold his own.

Thats My Hammer!

Thor is the heir to the von Lamb throne. You should fear this baby.

Cy Young Pitching...Let's Go Phillies!

It’s that time of the year again, baseball season. I love this time of the year with the temperatures starting to rise and the boys of summer picking up their bats and gloves and heading out to the ball park. Nothing beats an afternoon at the ballpark with your buddies, some cold beer, and a stadium dog. I will say the one disappointing thing about baseball of the last 20 years is the lack of daytime games. Growing up in the suburbs of Philly they would refer to them as businessmen specials. I looked forward to the day when I would be working as an adult and take a lunch break and not come back to work so I could go watch a game. Don’t get me wrong most teams play early games on Sundays and usually one during the week but it doesn’t happen too often.

The last two nights I had the privlage of watching two Cy Young award winners pitch against the Washington Nationals. This season the Philadelphia Phillies went out and signed Cliff Lee in free agency. With the addition of Lee to the rotation the Phillies would trot out 4 former Aces with Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt and Cole Hamels. As a Phillies fan it is always a good time going out to see them play but this is one of the first times I’ve looked forward to seeing a well pitched game since the first time I saw Cole Hamels pitch. On Wednesday Roy Halladay took a 3-0 lead into the 9th inning. The Nationals got a couple runners on base in the 9th and all of a sudden the score was 3-2. Charlie Manual walked to the mound and everyone was waiting for the Closer to walk to the mound. Instead Halladay tells Manual, “I got ‘em. Don’t worry.” So Manual said to go get ‘m. Halladay proceeded to strike out the next two batters. Halladay didn’t get the shutout but still got the closed game.

On Thursday night I finally got to see Cliff Lee pitch. Lee settled in pretty quick and so did the Nationals pitcher Jordan Zimmerman. Heading into the 6th inning neither team had scored a run and only the Nationals had a man who even reached base. The Phillies got 2 runs in the top of the 6th and that was all Lee needed. Lee went into the 9th and finished the game with 12 strikeouts.

It was almost masterful to watch these two guys pitch. I assume it was how many Braves fans felt in the 90’s watching Tom Glavine, Greg Maddux, and John Smoltz pitch on back to back to back nights. Thinking back only a handful of teams have ever carried pitching staffs of similar caliber. The Yankees last year and the previous year trotted out Pettitte, Sabathia, and Burnett which won them a World Series in 2009. In 2001 the Diamond Backs had the Big Unit and Curt Schilling which may have only been two pitchers but they were enough to win a World Series and were two of the biggest names in the game at the time other than Roger Clemens. Baseball has been making a turn over the past few years from the power hitting game to small ball and pitching. Teams need good pitching to go anywhere in October. That is the most exciting part about the 2011 Phillies is that they arguably have the best pitching matchups for any team this year. In October when teams drop down to 4 starters instead of 5 the Phillies will have a favorable matchup in almost every game. At the very least it will be an even matchup.

It was a great two nights at Nats Park and the best part was the Phillies won both games. It was also fun watching the game with my dad and brother last night and the Baroness on Wednesday. I know a lot of people that read this are Washington area fans. If you are a Nationals fan the good news Is Jordan Zimmerman, John Lannan, and Stephen Strausburg could be 3 really good starting pitchers. Jayson Werth, Adam LaRoche, Ryan Zimmerman and Bryce Harper will be great hitters for the team. If the Nationals work on getting a dependent bullpen and a couple more key position players they will start contending in the NL East.

On a side note, after the game in The Bullpen, White Ford Bronco was rocking the house. The Bullpen was packed with people listening to the tunes from the 90’s.

Jersey Shore Awards

I just finished watching the season finale of season 3 of the Jersey Shore and decided I needed to write the Jersey Shore Awards blog. Season 3 was interesting; it definitely lost a little steam this season. The highlight of the season was the cast returned to Seaside Heights and to their jobs at the Shore Store working for Danny. I think there was too much emphasis on Sam and Ronnie’s relationship. Thankfully Snooki, Pauly D, and Vinny stepped up to carry the show.

Manager of the Year (Awarded to the cast member who successfully managed a difficult situation.)

Sammy - Whether you think she is the Sweetest Bitch you’ll ever meet or the Shadiest Bitch you’ll ever meet she did an amazing job handling Ronnie a they broke up and got back together over and over throughout the season. She was able to get Ronnie to do pretty much anything she wanted because he messed up so bad in Miami. Even after Sammy left and then eventually came back she still had this control over Ronnie. Eventually Sammy lost complete control when the Situation ran into his friend Arvin who was there to meet Sammy. Over the next couple episodes Sam and Ron argued nonstop and broke up and got back together repeatedly. Eventually breaking up, (hopefully) for good on their last day in the shore house.

Vinny - He handled the situation with Snooki having feelings for him the best way any roommate could. I also don't agree that some of the grenades that Vinny was bringing home were less attractive than Snooki. Vinny was right to stay away from Snooki. It will be interesting to see where that friendship goes in the future.

Danny - The owner/manager of the Shore Store. Danny wins because this year he opens positions for celebrities to work in his store. Danny also had to find a way for people who didn't need the money from the Shore store to stay motivated at work. He dealt with Snooki sneaking out of work or to the bathroom to drink beer. He dealt with Mike and Ronnie sleeping on the job. At least Mike had the courtesy to hide in the dressing room instead of sleeping on the counter. But don't think the stakes were as high this year. People were lining up to go into the shore store. Sometimes with the cast would leave you could see where security roped off around the store and would only allow certain people in the store.

Cy Young Award (Awarded to the cast member who struck out the most)

The Situation - I don't think I saw Mike bring more than a couple of women home the whole season. He also didn't pull a robbery this year. I think Mike has gone from Alpha male in the cast to the 3 spot in the lineup. Vinny has come into his own and Pauly was beast already.

Snooki - Snooki throws fastballs all the time, she’s a great closer but if you expect more than an inning from her she loses it. Snooki did hook up a lot but she also was shot down a lot. But is it hard for a girl to hook up when she will throw her cukka at anybody? Snooki wins because we can only assume Mike struck out because it wasn’t shown on screen.

Best Nicknames

This season definitely didn't have a Joey Yanks or a J420. To be honest I would love to give the award to them again. But that would be too easy.

Blast in a Glass - Deana’ self proclaimed nickname.

Ronnie #2 - The name given to Dean because he looked like Ronnie. Ronnie #2 wins because that episode was hilarious and got funnier when Ronnie knew him.

The Meatballs - This is the name that Deana and Snooki gave themselves.

Best Song

Denim, Denim, Denim....Denim, Denim, Denim...(to the Super Mario Brothers theme). When Pauly and Vinny started singing/humming this tune I lost it when I was watching it. I now hope this is stuck in all of your heads like it is in mine.

Best Villain

Tom - JWOWW’s ex boyfriend. He didn't start that way but by the midpoint of the season they broke up. Tom gets the villain award for stealing all of JWOWW’s stuff and he hard drive. At first I didn't know why Jenny was so upset about the hard drive but then I read the reports where Tom was trying to sell photos of her to a tabloid or website. Not cool Tom.

Brett Favre Award for Indecision

Sam and Ronnie - These two win this award because I think they broke up and got back together more times than Brett Favre retired and decided to play another NFL season. Maybe 2010/11 is the year they all decided to hang it up (finally.)

Best Fight

Sammy vs. JWOWW - This fight was carried over from season 2. It got out of the way in the first episode and by the time Tom broke up with Jenny the girls were friends again. I will say that JWOWW took round 2 in this battle.

Sammy vs. Ronnie - This one was interesting because which fight do I choose. They fought in almost every episode. But since I can only choose one I’m choosing the fight that led to Sammy leaving the house. Ronnie picked up Sammy’s bed with her on it. He then spun it around. This was the closest these two every came to a domestic violence claim. This was also the one time the roommates had to intervene to separate the two of them. Sammy still found a way to get a couple of smacks in on Ronnie. It was hard not to give this the award but...

Snooki vs. The Seaside Heights PD - Snooki got crazy drunk one day. She was on the boardwalk and kept asking people where the beach was located. If you know anything about boardwalks and beaches they are always next to each other. To be honest you can lean on the rail of the boardwalk and lookout over the beach. This is actually what hundreds of tourists and fans of the show were doing as Snooki stumbled around on the beach running into the ocean and falling all over the place. Jenny and Deana were constantly chasing after her to get her under control. Eventually the Police stepped in and arrested Snooki for Public Intoxication. She cussed and tangled with them a little but that didn't keep her out of the drunk tank. The lesson she learned according to her was she needed to stop drinking during the day. The funniest part was listening to Deana and Jenny try to figure out what the term was for her arrest. Thankfully they figured it out before talking to Snooki’s dad. I also enjoyed the Free Snooki t-shirts everyone made before picking her up from jail. Snooki wins because her fight was comical and not on the flirting with domestic violence.

Comeback Player of the Year

I decided not to award this to anyone. I think it could have gone to Single Sammy or Single Ronnie but they never stayed single long enough to qualify. Mike is the third candidate for his award next season. Mike has been in a two season slump and that's a bad situation.

Rookie of the Year

After watching the last episode I almost decided not to award this because what Deana did to Vinny was not right. But she showed up and was the energy that carried the first half of the season. She also was a blast in a glass most of the time.

Prank of the Year

This cast loves to prank each other but the best one was by far when Mike sent Deana and Snooki to Central Park in New York. Only these two girls wouldn’t know they went a couple of hours out of their way to go to Jenkins.

MVP

This season there were two clear candidates. Vinny and Pauly D.

Pauly D - He brings it every season. He always knows how to cool down a hot situation and is usually the life of the party. He also brings back the hottest women.

Vinny - He has come so far since season one. This year he held it down though. He had girls pretty much every night. He also had Uncles barging into the house for their nieces like some type of mafia member.

I’m still pretty torn as to who should win this award. I don't think either of them would have been as enjoyable without the other. But I think Pauly would've been the better off if Vinny wasn't there so Pauly wins it fr the second year in a row. But Vinny is gaining ground each year.

Best New Terms

I tried to remember some of the terms they were throwing around this season. The only one I could remember was the grenade whistle. It's a vuvezela that is blown whenever there are grenades in the house. If you hear it you need to look around and make sure that you are not the one with the grenade.

That is all I have for Season 3. I hope you enjoyed the return to Seaside as much as I did. I can't wait to see what happens in Italy next season.

Online Dating: Things to Keep in Mind.

A couple of years ago one of my Fraternity brothers created an online dating profile for me. He went to a site called OKCupid.com and pulled photos and content from my facebook page. He then sent me a link to the page with the username and password and said I created this account for you since my girlfriend has done such a terrible job finding you a date. Since he clearly had spent a lot of time putting the profile together and didn’t put any bogus information in the profile I decided to give it a try. I went about adding information and answering questions so the site could find women who were more compatible to me and give me a percentage of compatibility. Now that I’ve filled you in on how this all was started I will share some things I learned during the year and a half I was on the site. Basically warning signs that a girl is not who she says she is in her profile so here are 10 things to look for or types of girls to stay away from when you are browsing you compatible matches.

1) All Photos are Group Photos: If this is the case 9 times out of 10 she is always the ugly one or the overweight girl. If she was hot she wouldn’t want to make you guess which girl she was in the picture. The one time it is usually the hot chick, it’s one of those I don’t want you to find my body attractive girls. She wants you to make your judgments based on her profile and not her relatively attractive body.

2) The Photo From an Angle Girl: Usually the Photo is taken from above the head angling down towards the face. This girl will hide behind and artistic view of herself but in reality the only thing she is hiding is neck fat or her multiple chins. On occasion she might be hiding an oversized nose, but men can usually get past that.

3) The Head Shot Only Photo Gallery: If she is not willing to show her body, there is a reason. That reason is NEVER because she could be a super model.

Also be weary of any girl who has a combination of all three of these types of photos on her profile.

4) The Divorced Girl: One thing I noticed is a lot of the more attractive girls on these sites are divorced. I would recommend staying away. Seriously if she is under 25 and has already been divorced there is probably an issue. On the other hand if the girl is over 35 and divorced she is DTF in almost all cases.

5) The Single Mother: This one is mostly serious. Tread carefully. If the girl is a single parent she most likely is not DTF. She is also going to be super cautious with anyone she talks too. She is looking not only for a person to date but also an eventual father like figure. This means she wants commitment. If that’s what you are looking for and you are cool with the readymade family then go for it, otherwise you should just keep on browsing.

6) Looking for Friendship Girl: These women are worse than hippies. Who goes on a dating site looking for friendship? I think somewhere these chicks got lost looking for facebook or they just like guys hitting on them, last time I checked that’s what MySpace was for so quit wasting my time and taking up space in the queue.

7) Don’t Message Me I’m Not Interested Girl: Hey again if you don’t need a date or you are not trying to find a date why the hell are you on a dating site. Quit wasting everyone’s time and close your account. Seriously if you have a profile on a dating site guys are going to message you and some of them are bound to drop lame lines. If you don’t like it, delete the message.

8) The I’m Not Sure I’m Ready to Go On a Date Girl: I experienced this one myself. After talking to the girl for a couple of weeks I asked if she wanted to meet up. She said she didn’t know if she should. I’m sitting there thinking then why did you just waste my time. Eventually we did meet up. However she was also the Photo from an angle girl and the soon to be discussed “I love to work out girl.”

9) The I Love to Work Out Girl: Nobody loves to work out and if you did your profile would have you flexing with minimal clothing and descriptions like, “Me with Green Hair.” Or, “Me with Blue hair.” Or, “Me at the gym.” Oh wait that was just one of my Fraternity brothers websites in college. But I imagine anyone who loved to work out would also have a picture of them doing something physical, not an angled head shot or only headshots. Someone who loves to run usually has a picture of them running or after a race. If you enjoy mountain biking there is usually the cliché picture of you next to your bike. But the girl who loves to work out got a gym membership 3 months ago, went twice, and only walked on the treadmill. News flash walking is not working out.

10) The I Don’t Live Anywhere Near You But Think You Are Perfect For Me Girl: This girl just wants to talk. In her head she fantasizes about the day you will meet and fall madly in love. But guess what, I have no effing clue where Richmond, KY is located. If it’s a town that cannot be reached in less than 45 minutes then maybe you shouldn’t message the guy.

Those are my 10 clues for guys on these sites. Now my experience is only from the use of a free dating site which if you are serious about finding a girl I recommend you stay away from, mostly because you will not have to deal with these issues. I hear from friends who have used eHarmony it is worth it. The two I can think of off the top of my head one is engaged to be married later this year and the other has been in a serious long term relationship. Both of the girls are great too.

I will end with my advice to the ladies that create these profiles. Why lie about who you are on your profile? Do you want the guy to show up and then be wildly disappointed? Wouldn’t it be better to never have the guy message you then to have him treat you like crap on a date because you are not who he thought you were or you don’t look anything like the pictures or you don't actually work out even though you said you did? Save yourself the time and the heartache and be honest. Because I bet every one of you has on their profile that you want a guy who is honest and someone that you can trust, although that might be a lie too.

Grandpa Lawton...Thoughts

I started writing a version of this blog about a month ago. I didn’t know what angle to come from though. Last week I found out some news about my Grandfather and for some reason today I had some clarity in what to write. This post is for me to express my thoughts and it will be more serious than, well all of my posts. Last Thursday I received an email from my mom telling my Grandfather was in the hospital. He suffered an aneurism in his aorta and while they were running test they found cancer in his lungs and liver. The initial report is he has 9 months to live. On Sunday I was speaking with my mother and she informed me that they are also running tests to make sure he does not have tuberculosis. She also said that because of his age and the condition he is in there is nothing they can do for him. The tests the doctors ran to get a more accurate timeframe on the cancer have not come in, so we won’t know how aggressive it is for a couple of days.

So why am I telling you this, I don’t really know yet. I don’t know exactly how I feel about it. Some of you may be thinking how someone doesn’t know how they feel about finding out their grandfather is dying. Well I’ll start in the beginning. Growing up my family never lived near the rest of our family. My mom and dad are both from the Midwest. My mom grew up in Michigan and my dad lived in Indiana and Iowa. So it was always a big deal to visit my grandparents and see my cousins. Every Summer I spent a week or two at my dad’s parent’s house, I looked forward to those weeks every year. Sometimes during that trip I would meet up with my mom’s parents for a couple of days. I remember one summer my grandfather let me cut the grass which was exciting because he had a riding lawnmower. I’m 29 and I still think its fun to ride on a riding lawnmower so at 10 this was awesome. My grandparents also bought me my first Michigan hat, which if you know me altered my college sports allegiances for the rest of my life. I remember the years my family was in Indiana at my dad’s parent’s house for Christmas we would take a day to drive to Michigan and celebrate with my mom’s parents. One thing my grandfather always had was a Michigan flag flying from his flag pole. One year we were at my dad’s parents house and my mom’s family came there to celebrate Christmas with us and my grandparents bought me a stuffed Michigan Wolverine and I remember my grandmother telling me it was to remind me to keep my grades up so I could get into college at Michigan. After that the rest of my memories seem to revolve around hospital visits when my grandma was sick before she passed away and when my cousin and her son passed away. There are other happy memories but I don’t have the space to write all of them but these were some of the ones that have always stuck out to me.
In 2002 my grandfather decided to get behind the wheel of his van drunk and got into an accident killing the driver of the other car. My grandfather is an alcoholic, something my parents never told me until this accident. My mom grew up around it but protected us from that. She wanted us to see him as our grandfather and not a man with a substance addiction. I was 21 at the time or close to it. I was turning the age where I no longer had to find someone to get me alcohol. I could just buy it myself. I was also in college which meant I drank a lot. My dad would always say things to me when I was home like you need to watch your drinking, your mom worries about you. I always passed it off saying I wasn’t doing anything he didn’t do in college. In my head I always took my parents comments about drinking to mean, “don’t drink, we think you’re an alcoholic like your grandfather.” My response to this was to drink and drink a lot to prove to them I could handle it and wasn’t like my grandfather. This led me down a path of terrible decisions. I was drinking a lot and almost every night. I would drive and not think anything of it. To me I felt like I was sober enough to do it. Although looking back all I was doing is heading down the same path my grandfather went down at some point in his life. I eventually talked to a guy at school and he told me I was far from where I thought I was, but it was a good thing I had come to talk to him because it meant I knew what I was doing and knew it was wrong. He worked with me and helped me resolve a lot of issues I had with my grandfather. At the time I didn’t want to talk to him ever again. I didn’t understand that he had a disease. What helped me at the time was I had a strong support system with my friends and family who were never going to let me go over the edge with my drinking. (This is not to say I don’t drink anymore, it’s to say that I saw a pending problem and took care of it. Don’t get me wrong there are times I thought I was playing with fire which is the same time I understood my mom’s concerns about my drinking.) Also around that time I received a letter from my grandfather. The letter was basically him apologizing to me for what he put me through (and my family) because of the decisions he made. It was also odd because I was the only one in my house who got a letter from him. I didn’t know why he chose me to apologize too. I think one of my cousins also received a similar letter but I’m not sure. Later I’m going to come back to this letter. My grandfather was put in prison for a couple of years where he did get sober.

A little bit after college I eventually forgave my grandfather for what he put our family through with his decision to drive drunk that day. I realized the only thing that made us different is I didn’t have an accident and I didn’t get caught when I made a stupid decision. One day driving to work I was listening to the radio and Chris Farley’s brother was on talking about a book him and some of Chris’s family and friends wrote about Farley’s life and struggle with drug and alcohol addiction. I soon became obsessed with learning about addictions. In the book a lot of his friends talked about how they would help Chris stop and get clean, but eventually he would fall off the wagon again. His friends eventually got tired of continuing to pick him up. Eventually Chris partied too hard one night and died from an overdose. This book was the first time I thought of alcoholism as a disease and not a personal choice. I also started watching Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab show a few years ago. While it is enjoyable to watch those people in rehab it also opened my eyes to the life of an addict. Dr. Drew always preached having a support group and worked with people to rebuild bonds with family to ensure they would have a strong support group to help in their sobriety. He also stressed sober living environments for many people to keep them away from the triggers that set off their addictions. This is when I realized my grandfather wasn’t doing this stuff to hurt us on purpose. It was the addiction that was making the decisions for him. Some of you may think that makes me naïve, but I would much rather believe my grandfather loves me then think he wants to hurt me.

This morning was when it really kind of clicked for me. I was thinking about the letter. When my grandfather was sober he realized he made mistakes that affected his family. He couldn’t call me because he was in prison so he mailed me a handwritten letter to apologize. I can’t imagine how tough that was for him. I know my grandfather loves me and I love him. I don’t want him to pass on without me telling him that. I don’t want there to be regrets and unresolved issues. If I’m not able to make it out to see him before he passes at least my last memory of my grandfather was a good one. Last April my older brother, two uncles, grandfather and I spent the afternoon together eating together, telling stories, and watching the Tigers play while my mom and the rest of the women were at my sister’s bridal shower. It was a perfect afternoon, when we got to my grandfather’s apartment he had pictures of all of his grandchildren up and you could see how proud of us he was. So maybe I do know how I feel about this after all.

If you made it this far I want to thank you for reading I just needed to express some emotions. I’d also like to ask everyone to keep my family and my grandfather in their prayers as we go through the next few months.

Traffic Tickets and NASCAR

Today while I was driving to work I notice one of Spotsylvania’s Finest pulled over another resident in my neighborhood. The Sheriff’s Department randomly patrols the main road through the neighborhood from time to time which is good because it’s not hard to speed on that road. In high school I never drove the speed limit through the neighborhood. I had the need to speed. Part of me always wanted to race cars. Sometimes I did with friends back home on local roads. Yes I realize this wasn’t safe but the thrill was incomparable to anything else I did at the time. During my junior year of high school I received two speeding tickets. One while passing a cop in Stafford County after dropping my homecoming date off. Yeah I’m the guy who didn’t notice he was speeding up to go around a police car. The second I was flying down the road with a couple of other classmates when we got caught by a Spotsylvania Deputy parked on the side of the road. There is nothing more embarrassing then the entire school passing you while you are getting a summons. Thankfully I had friends to share the humiliation with. Either way my parents grounded me from the car both times until I paid the ticket off, which meant waiting for court because I was under the age of 18 and had to go before the judge both times. Thankfully this was before Virginia passed laws taking drivers license away from under 18 drivers.

The reason I filled you in on those two tickets and the car this morning is it reminded me of when my brother was pulled over in my truck in front of the neighborhood. I don’t remember the exact time but it was in 2000 around graduation, that summer, or right after I left for college. Somehow I was blamed for his speeding ticket. My mom stated, “The only reason your brother was pulled over is because he was driving your truck.” My first remark was to ask her if she thought all squad cars had a picture of my truck inside of them with the direction to pull this vehicle over whenever you see it because the driver is more than likely speeding. My brother didn’t even get grounded, to be honest I think he was offered the chance to take a driver safety course and have the ticket removed from his record. I still can’t believe that my mom thought I was the reason he got the ticket. I joking asked if she thought it was impossible my brother was speeding. Was I the only one with the speeding gene in the family? That answer was no because from my senior year on my parents tried hiding their tickets from me. Maybe I should get a pass and say that I only speed because the people who taught me to drive speed?

Still I didn’t learn my lesson. In college I ended up getting two more tickets. The last one was in New Kent County and if you went to Christopher Newport University and were caught speeding on 64 that was where it happened. When I went to court the entire courtroom were people I know from CNU. After college I got caught once in Maryland and that was the last actual speeding ticket I received. A couple of years ago in Fairfax I was driving on the parkway and not paying attention and was pulled over. I finally was stopped by an officer who cut me a break and it was probably the only time I was not intentionally speeding. I was written a summons for “failure to obey a traffic sign.” The lesson was finally learned when I realized I was not going to become a police officer because my driving record was so jacked up and my insurance for my truck was outrageous. I’m not going to lie to you and say I don’t speed. I’m just going to say I stay within a reasonable miles per hour from the posted limit.

No I’m sure you are asking how this has anything to do with NASCAR. Other than the driving fast aspect it doesn’t. But on Sunday Jeff Gordon won his first race in 66 attempts. (Over two years.) My father is big Jeff Gordon fan. We were listening to the race in the car on our way to meet my mother for dinner. All we knew when we went inside was Gordon was battling Kyle Busch for the lead. At dinner my father asked me what was going on in the race so I looked it up on my phone and found out Gordon won. When I told him his face lit up like I haven’t seen it before. My father who has watched NASCAR for longer than I’ve been alive is a fan of the sport. Sure Gordon is his favorite driver right now but my dad still will watch even when he is not winning. Much like Junior Nation is doing right now. But I have not seen my dad as excited about NASCAR in 10 years. This season is only two races old but it has been much more exciting than in previous years. I think NASCAR has finally figured out the new car, the point system, and the chase to a point where the drivers can just race and have at it. All I know is two weeks ago my dad was about to give up on NASCAR and now he appears to be back.

The Daytona 500 and Dale Earnhardt

One thing I’ve noticed as I’m entering the second year of blogging is that coming up with topics is difficult, except when all of a sudden one just pops in your head. That’s what happened this morning. I was getting ready to send a facebook message to a friend about this weekend’s Daytona 500. The Daytona 500 is seen as the Super Bowl of auto racing, except it starts the season and doesn’t crown the season’s champion. The race is still one of the largest in all of auto racing and ranks up there with the Indy 500.

The Daytona 500 was the first NASCAR race that was nationally televised in 1979. This was impressive because NASCAR was still a very Southern Sport at the time. But the ratings were large because people only had a handful of channels to watch and the East Coast was being hit with a blizzard that kept many people in their homes. The race ended with Donnie Allison and Cale Yarborough fighting for the lead. Cale went to sling shot past Donnie who drove down the track to block and pushed Cale’s left tires into the infield grass. This caused Cale to lose control of his car and it turned into Allison’s and they both crashed ending up in the infield grass in turn three. Richard Petty, who was half a lap behind the leaders, went on to win the race. As Yarborough and Allison got out of their cars they began to argue. Bobby Allison who was a lap down stopped in turn three to come to his brother defense. A fight broke out between the Allison brothers and Cale Yarborough and the cameras were there to catch it all. In the years to follow NASCAR continued to grow eventually becoming the second largest spectator sport in the country following the NFL.

The 2011 Daytona 500 will mark the 10th anniversary of the passing of one of NASCAR’s most popular drives, Dale Earnhardt. Dale was the common man’s driver. He grew up watching his father Ralph Earnhardt race the local dirt tracks. At a young age he knew racing was in his blood and one day planned to make a career of it. Who knew his career would end up the way it did. When Dale died in 2001 he was the face of NASCAR, some will argue he still is today. Dale won 7 NASCAR championships equaling “The King” Richard Petty for the most by any driver. Dale 76 Cup races and had 428 top tens. Dale Earnhardt was the Intimidator, the Man in Black, and he didn’t take shit from anyone. I remember one time in the late 90’s Earnhardt was involved in a serious wreck and many people didn’t think he would race the next week. One thing about Dale was he never wanted to get out of his car. The next race was at a road course which increased the speculation because of the stress his body would go through with making both left and right turns throughout the day. So Dale qualified the car and got it onto the Pole. The crew then set the car up for his back up driver. In order to keep the Pole position Dale needed to start the race. The plan was to swap drivers within the first 20 laps taking them off pit sequence but in a road race many drivers to this to gain an advantage later in the race so it wouldn’t hurt them since the track is long enough they wouldn’t go down a lap. Dale sitting in his car in pain and in a seat that isn’t designed for his body, never swapped out of the car. He drove that car to a 6th place finish. Dale led most of the race but fatigue finally set in.

The Daytona 500 the biggest race of the series and the biggest driver of the series had raced it 19 times and never won it. Dale had cars to win it but something always happened at the end of the race that snatched the victory away from him. In 1998 he finally won the race. At the end of the race every crew member for every team and everyone who could get to pit road lined up to shake the man’s hand or slap the car as he drove by. I remember watching this race with my dad and you couldn’t help but getting choked up watching Dale do donuts on the infield grass. Dale won the race again 1999.

The 2001 Daytona 500 was lining up to be a great day for the Earnhardt’s. Two Dale Earnhardt Incorporated Cars were 1 and 2 in the final laps and Dale was in 3rd. Going into the last turn Dale was racing three wide with Sterling Marlin and Kenny Schrader. Earnhardt’s car was in the middle and veered down making contact with Marlins car and then shot up the track and hit nose first into the wall. Later that day NASCAR President Mike Helton announced that Earnhardt had passed a way. The toughest man in NASCAR had passed away.

In the years since 2001 many safety regulations have been changed. The drivers are no longer allowed to wear open face helmets, they are required to wear the HANS device, safer barriers have been added to the concrete walls to soften impact, and even the car has been upgraded to improve the safety for the drivers. Nobody wants to see another driver die at the track. This year NASCAR has finally improved the cars to keep them from forming a giant pack flying around the track at 200mph. While a wreck at that speed will still be scary at least it shouldn’t take out 15 or more other cars.

So while you are watching the race on Sunday, remember Dale and remember to honor him with a moment of silence during lap 3. INTIMIDATOR!!!!!!!!!!

Boogity, Boogity, Boogity, Let's Go Racing Boys!

The Baron's Late Christmas Letter

Just like most of the people in my family I’m really bad at getting my Christmas Letter done. Since I sent out Christmas Cards I’ll use my blog to post my letter. 2010 was a great year.

The Baron started the year in the Outer Banks at the Almand Joy. It was a great weekend of partying with some of his closest friends. It started out great from the first day of the year. I was able to meet Danny McBride, many of you may know him as Kenny F****** Powers. He was a cool about us wanting to say hi and took a group picture with us.



The common theme of the year seemed to be weddings. I was invited to 5 and was in 4 of them. A family friend Alex Weakley started it out. Only to be followed by Spencer and Nicole’s wedding at The Homestead. This place was amazing and the rain was not going to keep these nuptials from happening. We partied the night away. The month of June finished with my sister’s wedding. This one was a blast. It’s always a show when my cousins and I get together. You never know what we’ll destroy. The golf carts were safe that weekend since we didn’t get a chance to hit the links. In October my friends Derek and Katie were married and it definitely lived up to their wild personalities. It was wild. The 2010 weddings finished up with Zeib and Amy in November with another wild weekend. Crystal, need I say more? I hope all of these couples have many years of happiness together.

The Baron also found a lady in 2010. The Baroness and I have been dating since May and things have been going great. We’ve both spent time traveling between the Virginia Plantation and her Mountain Vista. In August Spencer and Casey through a party for the two of us. If you were there you know why they party was thrown and if you were not you’ll have to figure it out. Anyways there was an Egyptian theme and a belly dancer. We all dressed up and hung out in a pyramid.

In April I made a trip to Indiana/Michigan to drive my mother out for my sister’s Wedding Shower. This was fun since I got to spend time drinking bourbon and smoking cigars with my brother. I also get to spend some time with my Grandmother.

In July I started working out…doctor’s orders. I decided to train to run a 5k which I did successfully complete in November. It was a lot of fun. Next is to get back in the gym and run another race so I can improve my time.

At the end of October the Baroness, my brother, and I attended O’Gradyfest once again hosted at the Rivah. It was another great weekend and the pig was amazing this year. I’m getting excited for this year just talking about it. RING THE BELL!!!! In case anyone was wondering, Brammer and I still were not beaten in corn hole in 2010. Bring it challengers…yeah I’m talking to you Tom.

December flew by this year with all the Christmas season activities. Christmas was great though. It was great spending time with the family. The Baroness and I went to Jacksonville for the Gator Bowl this year. Along the way we stopped in Savannah. After the game I witnessed, we should’ve stayed in Savannah. I know one thing we will return in the next couple of years.



That was my year in review. Bouncer and Rollins are still living the lazy life and enjoying it. The three of us are looking to move in the New Year.

So here’s to 2011. I know it will only be better than last year. (Challenge Accepted). Sweep the Leg.

The 5k

In 2010 I started training for a 5k that is held in Fredericksburg every Thanksgiving called the Turkey Trot 5k. I ran my first timed race since I ran track in middle school. I always enjoyed running but as I got older and found less time I stopped running and once you stop it becomes harder to start back up. Then you get to a point where you can’t run most of the time and you are walking most of the work out. Well in July of 2010 I joined the gym with my friend and co-worker Casey and to keep myself motivated I decided to run the 5k over Thanksgiving.

The last time I seriously ran prior to 2010 was in 2005 when I was training with an ARMY recruiter to get into shape so I could join the ARMY. By the time I was finished I was running 1.5 of the 3 miles we did every morning and afternoon. Running with someone is easier because they constantly motivate you to keep running. Running by yourself is a lot tougher mentally because you need to keep on yourself to keep going. In my 5k I ran the first half mile and caught my breath enough to start running again. The whole race I would run 100-200 yards and walk 200 or so more yards. My average mile times are nothing to write home about but for someone who was only on an elliptical 3 times a week for 4 months I felt good about my times. My first mile was 13.53. I felt great about it, I was shooting for 12 minutes but the first hill was a little tougher than I imagined. There is also the aspect of getting through the crowd as your run. I probably exerted a lot more energy then I needed to trying to run around people. Next time I may start at a slower pace and pick it up later once the pack has spread out. In case you were wondering how many people I’m talking about, over 5,000 people ran this race.

As I stated earlier I ran track in middle school. In 1995/1996 I was a lot slimmer than I am now. I also ran sprints. I ran the 100 and 200. I also did the long jump. In middle school I was already 6 feet tall so I could step further than most kids could jump. However my long jump was nothing to brag about. Halfway through the season Coach Woody pulled me from the event. I was ok with that. In practice Coach Woody also had me run the 100 and 200 Hurdles. The hurdles in middle school track were much shorter than the hurdles in high school. Again this is where my height came in to play I could do the hurdles without really messing up my stride whereas shorter runners had to jump. There was one kid who literally hit every hurdle but he planned it that way. He was fast too. Our track team met the week before the County track meet. The best I did that year was finish 4th in the 200. I was proud of that, I didn’t run track because I thought I was the fastest kid in school, I ran to stay in shape for soccer season. The problem being there was not soccer in middle school at the time. At the team meeting Coach Woody announced that our top two hurdlers were injured and wouldn’t be able to run so he asked me to fill in for one of them. This was awesome because I was going to get a chance to compete at the county track meet. I ran the 100 and 200 hurdles in the meet. I didn’t place. I was close in the 100. The 200 was much harder than I expected. The reason being is hurdling while going through a turn is a lot harder than it looks. It was still a lot of fun and is an experience I’ll never forget. If I can find a copy of my old track photo I will post it here later.

So back to the 5k, I think my second mile was the toughest mentally. Trying to keep motivated and knowing that you are not halfway through the race was hard. Plus almost the whole mile was an incline, not a high grade but high enough. It was one of those roads that you think is perfectly flat but as you continue you realize you have been going uphill for most of the mile. Thankfully that last part of the mile was downhill. I ran the second mile in 14.27, slowing down a little bit but still on pace for my goal of 45 minutes.

The 3rd mile was tough but probably the easiest. I set a goal before the race that I wanted to run the race under 45 minutes. So far I have been on pace for that goal. The timing is tricky though because of the 0.1 miles so I needed to run each mile under 15 minutes to make sure I had a chance. I was monitoring my time on my watch so I knew where I was time wise but had no clue where I was on the course. I just kept running thinking I was getting close but the course just kept going. By the time I finished the third mile I was spent. My time on the last mile was 15.08 so I was still in contention to meet my goal of 45 minutes. The problem being I had to run the last tenth of a mile in a minute which may not seem difficult but there were a lot points where I just wanted to walk it home to the finish line in that last stretch. The cool thing was all the people standing on the streets cheering the runners on. It gives you a rush of adrenaline. I had no clue who some of these people were and for the most part the race was over the real runners finished 30 minutes earlier. But there were two instances where men were in the street encouraging everyone and telling us to keep going because we were almost there so I just took off and ran has hard as I could the last stretch and finished the race in 44.29 with half a minute to spare.

My friend Ryan was waiting at the finish line, we planned on meeting before hand but never found each other. Which is surprising because he is 6 foot 9 inches tall. But he was there to cheer me on those last few steps. The feeling after the race was both draining physically but awesome at the same time. I’m really glad I decided to run the race and plan on running more in the future. The reason I got the idea for this story was Ryan asked me if I want to run a 10k with him in May. I’m not sure if I’m ready for a 10k but I’m going to try and get there by May.

Crazy Thoughts That Come to me When I have to Wake up at 4:30am Everyday.

The other day I was discussing a Survivorman type show with a friend. The difference would be that it would not teach the viewer how to survive in the wild but instead teach them how to survive the streets of the concrete jungle. I thought it would make for a few short humorous YouTube clips if it was filmed to mock the Survivorman show. It quickly turned in to a list of 10 things a bum in the city needs to do in order to survive. Neither of us knows how to survive as a homeless person but working in the Nation’s Capitol there are plenty of examples. So here are the 10 things to think about if you find yourself homeless on the streets of a major city.

1) Stay away from Meth Heads – this is important because if you are a homeless person you probably don’t have much as it is but Meth Heads will take what you do have of value. Meth heads are nuts so it’s best to stay far away from them. If you are a homeless Meth Head this point may still be valuable because you don’t want to share your score.

2) Stay away from bodies of water – this includes water that is flowing through gutters too. Unlike in the wild where the water may be clean(er) in the city it is dirty. Now some of you may be asking, “How do I clean myself?” That’s easy this point only pertains to drinking the water. If you want to clean yourself you can do so in a river, lake, pond, stream, or reflecting pool. However I would be careful to watch out for the authorities so you do not get arrested, unless that is plan. (Side note: getting arrested could guarantee 3 hots and a cot indoors which might be nice on a cold night.) Although I would not recommend bathing in the Potomac or the Anacostia Rivers. I’m also sure rivers that run through other major cities are not places you want to take a bath.

3) Get a hat – this is important because you need something to use when pan handling to hold the money people give you. Other methods I have seen are Starbucks cups. The hat can also be used to keep the sun off of your face or to keep you warm in the winter months.

4) Suit Up – before I decided to focus on survival points for the homeless I was thinking you need a suit to survive in the city. Some restaurants require a jacket and tie to eat. However it still works for a homeless person because they might have a job interview and need to look nice. But definitely make sure you have clothes to wear. If you are running around with no clothes on people will think you are crazy and not want to give you money. Also see side note in point 2.

5) Get a knife – knives have many practical uses. The most important use would be self defense. You might still need to protect yourself from Meth Heads. But you may need it to cut up some kindling to start a fire in a barrel or gut a fish that your catch for dinner. The knife could also be used to cut your long pants into shorts in the summer.

6) Get some rope – rope is another useful tool like the knife. Rope provides a place to hang your clothes if they need to dry off. Rope can be used to build a make shift shelter. The knife can also be used to cut the rope.

7) Find Shelter – this one may depend on your pan handling earnings. If you get enough money to stay in a shelter then life is good. Other options are a tent or under an overpass. Don’t forget the rope either if you find a tarp you have the makings of a tent.

8) Seek warmth – If you are in a cold weather city find a warm coat for the winter months. However I recommend hitchhiking your way south and finding a warmer city to stay in. I read once that Las Vegas has an entire underground city where people live in a giant community. I imagine it to be like the Ninja Turtles hideout but bigger. Supposedly these people make their money from change tickets that people leave at slot machines.

9) Lose the suit Find some alcohol – I needed a tenth one after losing the suit. The alcohol will help you sleep on nights that you are outside. However don’t appear drunk when pan handling this will hurt your income. Also if you are trying to get into a shelter for the night they make you take a breathalyzer test.

10) Stake out your territory – when doing this you need to make sure you do not piss off any other homeless people. I would recommend finding the weakest link and then taking his/her area if you cannot find an unused place. Remember you can’t start out downtown you will need to work your way up to that. Some places that see a lot of foot traffic: near office buildings, metro stations, professional sports complexes, and city hall.

The Baron hopes none of you ever find yourself in a situation where you need to know any of these survival tips. I also don’t know if they would help you survive anywhere but I’m pretty sure they would. Also we've had a good laugh at the homeless' expense so to help one out take a donation to your local food bank or help out at a local shelter. Happy New Year!!!!

The State of Michigan Football

I attended the Gator Bowl on Saturday to watch my beloved Michigan Wolverines take on the Mississippi State Bulldogs. Michigan showed up to play 14 minutes of football. Let me start by saying that the offense was fun to watch at the beginning of the season with Denard Robinson at QB, but when he played good teams he could not perform as well. In the Michigan State, Iowa, Penn State, and Illinois games Denard was injured in the first half and Tate Forcier finished those games. Had the team not built such a large deficit before Tate took over they might have won those games since Tate did bring them back to have a chance at the victory in those games and eventually win the Illinois game. The only quality wins on the schedule were UCONN (the Big East champions) and Notre Dame. How quality are those wins they were not impressive teams this year.

The biggest problem with the team however was the Defense. Greg Robinson took Syracuse down to a 1 or 2 win team each season he coached there. Now he has destroyed Michigan's defense. Michigan during the Bo, Mueller, and Carr years had tough defenses. For the last two seasons Michigan's defense has been progressively getting worse. Mississippi state exposed them on Saturday. Michigan is lucky that Wisconsin didnt hang 70+ points on them at the end of the season the way they did Minnesota and Indiana.


Lastly Denard Robinson. Denard is fast and looks much faster in person than on TV. He can read defenses well enough and see holes in the line great. Plus once he is in the open field he is gone. However his passing is so-so. This is why Tate played many of the second halves this season when Michigan was down. They needed an accurate passer. Denard has problems throwing a screen pass which is a necessary play when you do not have a strong rushing attack. The Philadelphia Eagles used to run screens for Brian Westbrook because he was too small to run up the middle. It’s a simple pass and when it’s not thrown 6 feet over a receivers head can gain an offense a lot of yards if the person catching the pass has some speed. That speed is nullified when a receiver is jumping in the air to catch a pass. By the time that receiver lands on his feet a good defense is going to be there to make the tackle.

So how does Michigan fix this problem? First they need to fire Greg Robinson and get a competent Defensive coordinator in there. Secondly they need a quarterback that can throw with accuracy. If that is Tate than play him if it is Kevin Gardner who was red shirted this year then play him. Tate may not be an option if he doesn’t get his grades up anyways. Find a way to use Denard that doesn't involve him throwing the ball all the time. They also need to find a power running back. The defense was young this season and had two or three walk-ons starting by the end of the season. They need to recruit better players and the ones that are their need to mature. Lastly I'm not sure if firing Rich is the right call. I wouldn’t be upset if they did fire him but I wouldn’t be upset if they kept him. All I know is whoever the coach is, I want to win. I want to beat Ohio State, Michigan State, and play for Big Ten championships.

All I know is that I'll still support the team all the way to the bottom if that’s where it goes because one day soon the Michigan Wolverines will be on top again. Go Blue!!!