Bar Crawl Retro Diary

This weekend was the annual Bar Crawl that I started with my friend Chuck 5 years ago. It’s still unofficial and is just a reason for us to get together with friends and drink large quantities of alcohol, but one day we hope to make this a marquee event in Fredericksburg, VA. Here is a little history about the crawl before I get into this year’s events. Chuck and I were once roommates and sometimes drinking was never enough so we would give ourselves little challenges. It started with Chuck challenging me to drink all of the beers that Fatty J’s had on draft. They had 13-15 beers on tap at the time and it took me 3 or 4 visits to try them all. Chuck gave me a month to complete the challenge so that was easy. Once I finished that one he came up with having me drink a beer at every bar in the city limits of Fredericksburg. This one was a little more challenging. Just like before I had a month to complete the task. Earlier that year I attended my first bar crawl in Ghent with my friend Jason. It was a great time so I upped the challenge Chuck gave me to all of the bars in one day and let’s invite a bunch of our friends to do it with us. This took place the summer of 2005 we had around 10 people join us at 11am at Bailey’s Pub in central Park. We finished the crawl 13 hours later at Fatty on the Water (Wings on the Water). In all we had a drink at 24 bars that day. There are stories from that crawl that I will not write in this blog, but will tell you in person if you ask.

How did we find those 24 bars? That was easy we went to YellowPages.com. We didn’t count places that were mainly restaurants like Friday’s and Applebee’s. Chuck and I scouted out a couple of questionable establishments prior to the tour and narrowed the list to the 24 bars we visited that day. The second year we wanted to continue the bar crawl and some of our friends were asking if we were doing one again so we narrowed the crawl down to only Downtown Bars so we could park and walk. In total it was only about 8 blocks of walking the whole day and there were 12 bars included. We’ve seen bars open and close their doors over the past few years, but there have always been enough to do the crawl. This year we only had 9 bars.

Some of you who read Bill Simmons column on ESPN may be familiar with his Retro diaries. He typically writes a time stamped column while rewatching a sporting event. That is the basis I am using for this blog except I’m going to try to remember the events of the evening as they happened or were told to me by others involved. Remember this was a bar crawl and I was drinking so as the night went on memories are fuzzy but that just means the story might be crazier. Times are approximate and I was drinking not looking at my watch. I’m basing the times on the position of the sun.

3:00pm: I arrived at the Rec Center with my brother (Brian), Ryan, Danielle and Matt. We met up with Chuck and the group that met at his house. There were 8 people that met at his house. Another 7 people met up with us later. The Rec Center actually isn’t a Rec Center. Outside there is a sign that reads “Worlds Best Hot Dogs,” I don’t believe that at all. This bar is the biggest Dive in Fredericksburg to my knowledge. The usually group are older mustached men and women whose faces are wrinkled from smoking their whole lives. So needless to say we get some looks when we enter. If you ever want a $1.25 PBR this is the place for you, but remember they close at 4pm. The Baron’s drink choice: PBR.

3:20pm: Stop number 2 was at the Capitol Ale House. This is a great place to go if you like to drink beer. It has the largest selection of beer on tap and in the bottle. The problem with a place like this is it takes forever for people to order. It’s the only bar people stray away from drinking their usual domestic beers. I snuck down to the beer cellar here. There was a sign and I’ve always wanted to know what was down there so I just walked on down and checked it out. The door to the cellar was locked but there were windows so I could see what they kept back there. I’m not sure what type of beer was there but it looked fancy. One thing I found odd here was at the end of the bar a father sat with his 2 sons. One of them was around 10 and the other around 8 maybe. They could barely reach the bar. The youngest one was drinking milk. My issue was they were taking up valuable real estate at the bar and I always thought you had to be 21 to sit at the bar. Although I did think it was funny the kid was drinking milk at the bar, for some reason I thought of those scenes in old westerns when the guy walks into the saloon and orders milk. This is also where 4 more people joined our tour. The Baron’s drink choice: Purple Haze.

4:10pm: Stop number 3 was at Fatty J’s. We spent some time here because this is where we got food. Fatty J’s was my go to bar during and after college. It was a great bar scene, had awesome waitresses, and good service. It was also a good place to go and watch a football game. I would spend all day on Sunday during football season at Fatty’s. Now the bar is only beat out by the Rec Center as the biggest dive in the city and it caters to a different crowd. It’s not even the best sports bar in town. It’s sad to see what has happened to Fatty J’s over the years. Nothing really eventful happened here other than this is when people started to get a little buzz going and started interacting with people. We had two more people join the crawl here. The Baron’s drink choice: 24 oz Coors Light, it was a special for $3.

6:00pm: Stop number 4 was Spirits. Spirits is a pizzeria in Old Town Fredericksburg and rumor has it the building is haunted. We tend to have more fun with the juke box here then actually drinking. It’s also a dive and just recently moved ahead of Fatty’s, but that’s only because Fatty’s got so bad. Plus Spirits at least hires girls to work the bar. This is where people started feeling good on the Crawl. At one point Brownie started talking about watching Glee with his roommate and how they sang and danced to the Gaga episode. I just had to introduce him to Danielle. They held the funniest conversation about Glee. People would stand and listen and laugh as he talked and danced and sang. The Baron’s drink choice: Kamikazee ($3 dollar special, took a round with four others) Pitcher of Bud Light (Split with 3 others.)

6:30pm: Stop number 5 was Sammy T’s. If you are looking for vegetarian food this is the place for you in Fredericksburg. If you date a vegetarian this is the place to take her because they do have chicken tenders for us carnivores. We got in and got out of this place as fast as possible. We arrived and there were two people sitting at the bar, the bar stretched the length of the restaurant. Once we all arrived there was only standing room, yet they were not happy to see us. At one point a waitress told some patrons, “don’t worry about them, they are on a bar crawl and will be leaving soon.” This is also when my sister joined the group. The Baron’s drink choice: Star Hill’s Lucy.

7:00pm: Stop number 6 was J. Bryan’s. J. Bryan’s was the first of 3 Irish Bars we would stop at during the Crawl. The Bar area is small so we never stay too long here either. At one point I walked from one side of the bar to the other and in the process one of the girls grabbed another girl’s chest and then grabbed mine for comparison. I asked if I could play but didn’t get a response. Remember this story for later. The Baron’s drink choice: Jim Beam and Coke.

7:25pm: While leaving J. Bryan’s the girls each grabbed a guys arm and we walked to the next bar. I’m not sure why this happened or why we allowed it to happen. Oh wait, we were hammered.

7:30pm: Stop number 7 was The Blarney Stone. At this bar you have to walk through the dining area to get to the bar in the back. I always feel bad because people are eating and we are pretty drunk by the time we get here. The first thing I did when I arrived was find my dollar bill I stapled to the ceiling at last years crawl. It was still there. Ryan wanted to have a mixed drink with me at this bar and I wanted something Irish is nature. So I said let’s do a Car Bomb and he was drunk enough to agree. My brother in law Matt got in on this too. So I ordered three car bombs. The bartender brought them over and we turned them up. I’ve never drank anything so fast, it was gone after two swigs. I put the glass down and it looked like the other two barely started. After that I was talking at another table with people and this guy Joe who was on the crawl wanted to buy shots for the table. He asked what he should get and I told him, Jameson’s. Let’s just say we were enjoying the Irish bar. The Baron’s drink choice: Irish Car Bomb, Harp, Shot of Jameson’s.

8:20pm: As we are walking to the next bar one of the girls on the tour pulled her top down and flashed me. This was one of the girls from the story at J. Bryan's. Apparently I was not the only one who saw the goods that evening. Let’s just say everyone was feeling good at this point.

8:30pm: Stop number 8 was the Irish Brigade. It didn’t feel like we were here that long. I didn’t order a beer but I drank one. Things started to get real fuzzy at this point. The Baron’s drink choice: Smithwick’s.

9:00pm: Leaving the Irish Brigade we lost 3 people in the group to injury. One of them twisted there ankle and the other two drove them home.

9:05pm: Stop number 9 was at Brock’s. Brock’s is usually hopping on a Friday and Saturday night. They have a large outdoor patio with music and dancing. The problem was at 9:00pm it was still near the 90’s outside and humid as hell. So that left the indoor bar. The night began to wind down here but the drinking did not. I know I had 3 drinks here, but only remember what one of them was. The last 2 people to join the crawl showed up here, if they only knew what they missed out on. People just sat around at the bar, which wasn’t very busy yet and hung out and talked. The Baron’s drink choice: Unkown, Budweiser, Unknown.

10:00pm: The Baron is wasted. My Designated Driver showed up.

11:00pm: Passed Out.

Don't Tell Mom I'm Watching This...

This week MTV announced that they will be bringing back Beavis and Butthead. Mike Judge must not have much going on now that King of the Hill is off of the air. Beavis and Butthead has been off the air so long that the last time a new episode aired MTV still showed music videos. Beavis and Butthead were seen by some as the start of the non music video version of MTV. Some might remember the format of the show, it was part cartoon and then part music video, where the two characters would comment on the video that was being shown. MTV’s reboot of the show will be the same but with current music videos. So instead of mocking Running Man they will be joking on Lady Gaga. The good news is MTV will be showing music videos again.

The Real reason I bring this up is not to talk about why MTV has decided to go back to an old cartoon from the 90’s. Will Beavis and Butthead be as successful in the 2010’s as it was in the early 90’s? Will fewer parents keep their kids from watching the show because of its crudeness? I remember staying up late as a kid and watching Beavis and Butthead with the volume turned down low so my parents wouldn’t hear what I was watching. First of all when I was growing up I wasn’t even allowed to watch MTV because of such distasteful videos as Madonna’s “Like a Virgin.” Can you imagine if that video was shown today, would anyone even care? But this got me thinking of other animated television shows that our parents didn’t let us watch as kids. Unless you were that kid who had all his friends over to watch these shows because your parents didn’t care, then I would like to thank you. So that brings me to my top 5 cartoons parents don’t let their kids watch, in no particular order.

1) The Simpsons – When this show first aired it was based on Bart Simpson, a “foul” mouthed kid who talked back to his parents. In later seasons the focus of the show moved from Bart to Homer and when I watch it today I laugh at the fact my parents wouldn’t let me watch this when I was younger. The Simpsons is one of the smartest cartoons on TV. The show has been on the air since December of 1989 and shows no signs of stopping. I think a lot of us who couldn’t watch it when we were young are now keeping it on the air.

2) South Park – I was in high school when this show first aired. The poor animation only adds to the humor of this show. The show is ridiculous but smart and is very topical. The creators are not afraid to go after anyone. Some of the funniest episodes attack the Scientologists’, Brittany Spears, Tiger Woods, Mel Gibson, Al Gore (Man Bear Pig), The Nagger Guy Episode, The Richers (When they chased all the rich black families out of town and Gingers. I remember watching the first Christmas episode that aired on TV with Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo at my Grandma’s house with my cousins on Christmas Eve. My parents and Aunt and Uncle were trying to get us to turn the channel before my Grandmother came in the room, but it didn’t happen and we laughed our butts off, the family still talks about that Christmas.

3) Beavis and Butthead – This was one of Mike Judge’s first projects. If you listen closely their neighbor’s voice sounds awfully familiar. It’s the same voice as Hank Hill from King of the Hill. Beavis and Butthead were morons who got in trouble. I think this shows biggest problem was it was aired on MTV. The language might have pushed the limits but nothing like South Park. Either way my parents did not like this show.

4) The Family Guy – This show aired after my parents stopped caring what I watched, but I know watching it that if it would’ve been on TV 5 or 6 years earlier it would’ve been a definite no go. The topics approached are also fairly current but a show where the baby is always trying to kill/get rid of his mother. My mom would’ve hated this.

5) Ren & Stimpy – Some people may not even remember this show. It was a cartoon on Nickelodeon. The thing these guys did wrong was fart. It was a cartoon based on fart jokes. It was a dog and a cat that farted. I remember I owned the video game for the Sega Genesis and you made the characters fly by farting. Ren & Stimpy also had this "commercial" that would play called "Dont Wizz on the Electric Fence: The Game."

The funny part is no matter how hard my parents may have tried to keep me from watching these shows it didn’t really work. The Simpsons is one of my favorite shows and I own many of the seasons. South Park also offers a nice family memory as I explained above. So maybe our parents should realize that these shows weren’t that bad.

Mega Wedding Blog

This blog is a few weeks late, but it should be worth the wait. In June I attended three weddings on back to back to back weekends. These weddings couldn’t have been more different either. The first wedding was the son of one of my parent’s friends. The second wedding was two of my good friends and the third wedding was my sisters.

The first wedding was at my parent’s church in Fredericksburg. It was at 11am and the guys were rocking morning coats. This may be the only reason to have a wedding this early in the day. Although if you are not serving alcohol at the reception this is another reason to have an early wedding, alcohol was not served. The ceremony was nice and the highlight of the ceremony was when the Father of the Bride turned to go to his seat he did a military turn, but didn’t plan on the Brides train being in the way of his foot. He put the brakes on so fast to keep from stepping on his daughters dress he almost bit it in front of everyone. The reception was short and to the point as well, which is key when there isn’t dancing or alcohol. Then it was 1pm and it was time for my brother and I to head to our future brother in law’s bachelor party. The evening was a blast. We went to a Nationals game and watched them lose, big surprise. We got to meet some of Matt’s friends and they were a lot of fun to party with. We also met White Ford Bronco for the first time at the pre-game bar, The Bullpen.

The second wedding was AWESOME! My friends Spencer and Nicole were getting married at the Homestead Resort in Hot Springs, VA. If you don’t know where that is then you are out of luck because there is nothing nearby to point you in the right direction. After getting off of I 81 I drove for around 90 minutes and then out of no place a giant brick resort popped out of the mountains. It was amazing looking. I arrived on Friday before the wedding and the rehearsal was at 5pm. The rehearsal was outside and it was hot. I have never had as much fun at a rehearsal in my life. We were allowed to drink and the minister knew all the groomsmen and bridesmaids had to do was walk in and walk out, so we practiced that once and he talked to the bride and groom for a few minutes and then it was on to the party.

The rehearsal dinner was also the best food I have ever had at rehearsal dinner. While talking to Nicole she told me that the theme was Spencer’s favorite foods. The menu consisted of chicken and waffles, beef brisket, grilled trout, roasted corn, and pork chops (which almost didn’t make the menu according to Nicole Newman, but as she said, “It was SO good”).

“But the best part and highlight of the night… was the Chicken and Waffles. This was a hit for everyone! Even my [Nicole’s] grandparents loved them! Spencer and I were lucky enough to have Chef Todd. Who is the Head Chef [at the Homestead], personally attend our rehearsal dinner because he was so excited to make the Chicken and Waffles – he is from Texas.  Chef Todd even made maple syrup butter.” ~Nicole Newman

They also had Texas and Carolina style BBQ to cover the brisket in. Sides included fried okra (also known as southern pop corn and was Nicole’s favorite thing to eat that night), green beans, festival bread (Nicole said that Spencer and her first tasted this in Jamaica and requested that the Homestead make this for them), and to finish it off they had a baked potato bar. Nicole explained to me that Spencer and she wanted to incorporate the mothers tastes into the menu as well. She said they had Key Lime Pie for Spencer’s mom and Italian Soup for her mother. Nicole said, “we opted for a buffet style for the rehearsal because this allowed more talking among friends AND then people could choose what they wanted to eat.” In case you were wondering what my ranking of top 3 rehearsal dinners are they go like this, 1) Newman-Harrison Wedding, 2) Barel-Lawton (Mexican food, they had homemade tortilla shells and margarita pitchers), 3) Lamb-Holt (Texas BBQ). This was also the first wedding where there was a party at the rehearsal and on top of it there was an open bar.

“The wedding coordinator at the Homestead was Tricia and she told us [Spencer and Nicole] we had the longest running open bar during a wedding weekend in the history of the Homestead. Four hours for the rehearsal and 6 for the wedding day. Mind you- The Homestead is the longest running resort in Virginia.” ~Nicole Newman

On Saturday the JD, Brammer and I headed into town to get breakfast. We ran across the local Farmers Market and decided to get breakfast there. The food was great and so were the maple donuts. Afterwards the men got together and headed off to the gun club for some skeet shooting. I can’t think of a better way to spend the morning then shooting some clay pigeons. The lesson learned here is that video games have begun to simulate real life, because two guys who have never held a gun except on their PlayStations dominated and there reason was spending hours playing video game. After shooting we headed back to The Homestead to watch the USA-England World Cup game. Thankfully it finished before we had to show up for pictures. The only downside was during the game some thunderstorms rolled through and the wedding was moved inside. However it looked just as nice inside. It was 5:30 and the wedding was beginning so we all walked in and got in our places. The Bride and Groom came down and next thing I knew they were pronouncing them man and wife. I also enjoyed that each pairing in the wedding had their own entrance music, my song was Fat Bottom Girl. Now the real party began and every danced and drank their way into the night. This wedding being the fourth fraternity brother’s wedding I’ve been too I realized that they are some of the most fun ones I’ve been to. Mainly because it’s the group of guys I spent partying with and whenever we get together fun times are going to happen.

The third and final wedding was my little sisters. Julie was marrying a guy she met from school named Matt. This wedding was different because I was around for the planning so I knew what was going on. Julie asked me to sing in the wedding and she kept going back and forth on the song so for three months before the wedding I would sit at the dinner table and ask Julie if I could sing random songs like “Sledgehammer,” “Before He Cheats,” and “Ring of Fire.” I would sing a couple lines and we would all laugh, but she never liked my suggestions.

I was really looking forward to this wedding, because my cousins and I always have a great time together. A couple of my cousins got into town the Thursday before the wedding and sat around drinking and catching up all night. On Friday we had a wine tour planned, but before we left we got lunch and watched the USA-Slovenia World Cup game. We only ended up going to two vineyards but we tried 40 plus wines so we definitely got enough to drink. When we got back to Fred Rock I got ready for the rehearsal and my cousins and I went to Blue and Gray Brewery to try their beers. Afterwards my cousins dropped me off at the church for the rehearsal. This rehearsal was not better than the previous weeks. There was no drinking and there was way too much explanation of things people already knew were going to happen. Plus I don’t know why it took more than 30 minutes. Anyways we left for the rehearsal dinner at Brocks. The dinner was good and a few people said some things, but the party was going to happen at Hard Times that night. So we headed off to Hard Times to see White Ford Bronco. If you want to know more about them you should read my previous post. Hard Times was fun we partied for a while and were joined by the rest of our cousins who got into town that evening.

On Saturday I had to wake up and drive to Richmond to pick up the wedding cake. The key here was a lack of time. I had to run by my parent’s house to get the order ticket first and then cruise down to Ashland so I could get the cake. My sister wanted a Ukrop’s cake and the Fredericksburg store closed in January. I had to have the cake to the reception hall and get back and dressed for the wedding and ready to leave the hotel by 11:30. I got back to the reception hall in 35 minutes and ended up being the first one ready. The cake made it safely and a few traffic laws were broken. All I know is I was not going to be the one that didn’t get where I was supposed to be at the time I was supposed to be there on this day. All of the groomsmen and a few other people who needed to be at the wedding early got on board the trolley and left for the wedding. Imagine wearing a suit or tuxedo, its 90 plus degrees outside and riding on a trolley with no air conditioning. The downside to getting to the church so early is sitting around for a couple of hours before the ceremony.

The ceremony started at 2:00 and lasted about 30 minutes. Julie wanted a lot of music in her wedding and we all know the Bride gets what she wants. The highlight of the wedding was the Best Man was on crutches because of a beer pong injury. You have to give him credit because you could tell he was in pain but he fought through it and never complained. After the wedding it was picture time, I hate picture time. I just want to get to the reception and start the party. After the pictures we had time to kill so we rode around in the trolley and went to Chatham House, Carl’s Ice Cream, and took a historic tour of Fredericksburg. The last stop was the reception hall. The reception was a lot of fun. A few good friends and my cousins and I hit the dance floor and didn’t leave until the night was over. The highlight of the night was at one point when my Dad’s Brother went out to dance with him in the soul train line at one point my Dad’s pants fell down. Thankfully his shirt was really long and nobody was flashed.

Well that was my month of weddings in June. I had a lot of fun at all of them and they were all amazing in their own way. I wish the Bays, Newman’s, and Weakley’s many years of happiness.