Jersey Shore Awards

I just finished watching the season finale of season 3 of the Jersey Shore and decided I needed to write the Jersey Shore Awards blog. Season 3 was interesting; it definitely lost a little steam this season. The highlight of the season was the cast returned to Seaside Heights and to their jobs at the Shore Store working for Danny. I think there was too much emphasis on Sam and Ronnie’s relationship. Thankfully Snooki, Pauly D, and Vinny stepped up to carry the show.

Manager of the Year (Awarded to the cast member who successfully managed a difficult situation.)

Sammy - Whether you think she is the Sweetest Bitch you’ll ever meet or the Shadiest Bitch you’ll ever meet she did an amazing job handling Ronnie a they broke up and got back together over and over throughout the season. She was able to get Ronnie to do pretty much anything she wanted because he messed up so bad in Miami. Even after Sammy left and then eventually came back she still had this control over Ronnie. Eventually Sammy lost complete control when the Situation ran into his friend Arvin who was there to meet Sammy. Over the next couple episodes Sam and Ron argued nonstop and broke up and got back together repeatedly. Eventually breaking up, (hopefully) for good on their last day in the shore house.

Vinny - He handled the situation with Snooki having feelings for him the best way any roommate could. I also don't agree that some of the grenades that Vinny was bringing home were less attractive than Snooki. Vinny was right to stay away from Snooki. It will be interesting to see where that friendship goes in the future.

Danny - The owner/manager of the Shore Store. Danny wins because this year he opens positions for celebrities to work in his store. Danny also had to find a way for people who didn't need the money from the Shore store to stay motivated at work. He dealt with Snooki sneaking out of work or to the bathroom to drink beer. He dealt with Mike and Ronnie sleeping on the job. At least Mike had the courtesy to hide in the dressing room instead of sleeping on the counter. But don't think the stakes were as high this year. People were lining up to go into the shore store. Sometimes with the cast would leave you could see where security roped off around the store and would only allow certain people in the store.

Cy Young Award (Awarded to the cast member who struck out the most)

The Situation - I don't think I saw Mike bring more than a couple of women home the whole season. He also didn't pull a robbery this year. I think Mike has gone from Alpha male in the cast to the 3 spot in the lineup. Vinny has come into his own and Pauly was beast already.

Snooki - Snooki throws fastballs all the time, she’s a great closer but if you expect more than an inning from her she loses it. Snooki did hook up a lot but she also was shot down a lot. But is it hard for a girl to hook up when she will throw her cukka at anybody? Snooki wins because we can only assume Mike struck out because it wasn’t shown on screen.

Best Nicknames

This season definitely didn't have a Joey Yanks or a J420. To be honest I would love to give the award to them again. But that would be too easy.

Blast in a Glass - Deana’ self proclaimed nickname.

Ronnie #2 - The name given to Dean because he looked like Ronnie. Ronnie #2 wins because that episode was hilarious and got funnier when Ronnie knew him.

The Meatballs - This is the name that Deana and Snooki gave themselves.

Best Song

Denim, Denim, Denim....Denim, Denim, Denim...(to the Super Mario Brothers theme). When Pauly and Vinny started singing/humming this tune I lost it when I was watching it. I now hope this is stuck in all of your heads like it is in mine.

Best Villain

Tom - JWOWW’s ex boyfriend. He didn't start that way but by the midpoint of the season they broke up. Tom gets the villain award for stealing all of JWOWW’s stuff and he hard drive. At first I didn't know why Jenny was so upset about the hard drive but then I read the reports where Tom was trying to sell photos of her to a tabloid or website. Not cool Tom.

Brett Favre Award for Indecision

Sam and Ronnie - These two win this award because I think they broke up and got back together more times than Brett Favre retired and decided to play another NFL season. Maybe 2010/11 is the year they all decided to hang it up (finally.)

Best Fight

Sammy vs. JWOWW - This fight was carried over from season 2. It got out of the way in the first episode and by the time Tom broke up with Jenny the girls were friends again. I will say that JWOWW took round 2 in this battle.

Sammy vs. Ronnie - This one was interesting because which fight do I choose. They fought in almost every episode. But since I can only choose one I’m choosing the fight that led to Sammy leaving the house. Ronnie picked up Sammy’s bed with her on it. He then spun it around. This was the closest these two every came to a domestic violence claim. This was also the one time the roommates had to intervene to separate the two of them. Sammy still found a way to get a couple of smacks in on Ronnie. It was hard not to give this the award but...

Snooki vs. The Seaside Heights PD - Snooki got crazy drunk one day. She was on the boardwalk and kept asking people where the beach was located. If you know anything about boardwalks and beaches they are always next to each other. To be honest you can lean on the rail of the boardwalk and lookout over the beach. This is actually what hundreds of tourists and fans of the show were doing as Snooki stumbled around on the beach running into the ocean and falling all over the place. Jenny and Deana were constantly chasing after her to get her under control. Eventually the Police stepped in and arrested Snooki for Public Intoxication. She cussed and tangled with them a little but that didn't keep her out of the drunk tank. The lesson she learned according to her was she needed to stop drinking during the day. The funniest part was listening to Deana and Jenny try to figure out what the term was for her arrest. Thankfully they figured it out before talking to Snooki’s dad. I also enjoyed the Free Snooki t-shirts everyone made before picking her up from jail. Snooki wins because her fight was comical and not on the flirting with domestic violence.

Comeback Player of the Year

I decided not to award this to anyone. I think it could have gone to Single Sammy or Single Ronnie but they never stayed single long enough to qualify. Mike is the third candidate for his award next season. Mike has been in a two season slump and that's a bad situation.

Rookie of the Year

After watching the last episode I almost decided not to award this because what Deana did to Vinny was not right. But she showed up and was the energy that carried the first half of the season. She also was a blast in a glass most of the time.

Prank of the Year

This cast loves to prank each other but the best one was by far when Mike sent Deana and Snooki to Central Park in New York. Only these two girls wouldn’t know they went a couple of hours out of their way to go to Jenkins.

MVP

This season there were two clear candidates. Vinny and Pauly D.

Pauly D - He brings it every season. He always knows how to cool down a hot situation and is usually the life of the party. He also brings back the hottest women.

Vinny - He has come so far since season one. This year he held it down though. He had girls pretty much every night. He also had Uncles barging into the house for their nieces like some type of mafia member.

I’m still pretty torn as to who should win this award. I don't think either of them would have been as enjoyable without the other. But I think Pauly would've been the better off if Vinny wasn't there so Pauly wins it fr the second year in a row. But Vinny is gaining ground each year.

Best New Terms

I tried to remember some of the terms they were throwing around this season. The only one I could remember was the grenade whistle. It's a vuvezela that is blown whenever there are grenades in the house. If you hear it you need to look around and make sure that you are not the one with the grenade.

That is all I have for Season 3. I hope you enjoyed the return to Seaside as much as I did. I can't wait to see what happens in Italy next season.

Online Dating: Things to Keep in Mind.

A couple of years ago one of my Fraternity brothers created an online dating profile for me. He went to a site called OKCupid.com and pulled photos and content from my facebook page. He then sent me a link to the page with the username and password and said I created this account for you since my girlfriend has done such a terrible job finding you a date. Since he clearly had spent a lot of time putting the profile together and didn’t put any bogus information in the profile I decided to give it a try. I went about adding information and answering questions so the site could find women who were more compatible to me and give me a percentage of compatibility. Now that I’ve filled you in on how this all was started I will share some things I learned during the year and a half I was on the site. Basically warning signs that a girl is not who she says she is in her profile so here are 10 things to look for or types of girls to stay away from when you are browsing you compatible matches.

1) All Photos are Group Photos: If this is the case 9 times out of 10 she is always the ugly one or the overweight girl. If she was hot she wouldn’t want to make you guess which girl she was in the picture. The one time it is usually the hot chick, it’s one of those I don’t want you to find my body attractive girls. She wants you to make your judgments based on her profile and not her relatively attractive body.

2) The Photo From an Angle Girl: Usually the Photo is taken from above the head angling down towards the face. This girl will hide behind and artistic view of herself but in reality the only thing she is hiding is neck fat or her multiple chins. On occasion she might be hiding an oversized nose, but men can usually get past that.

3) The Head Shot Only Photo Gallery: If she is not willing to show her body, there is a reason. That reason is NEVER because she could be a super model.

Also be weary of any girl who has a combination of all three of these types of photos on her profile.

4) The Divorced Girl: One thing I noticed is a lot of the more attractive girls on these sites are divorced. I would recommend staying away. Seriously if she is under 25 and has already been divorced there is probably an issue. On the other hand if the girl is over 35 and divorced she is DTF in almost all cases.

5) The Single Mother: This one is mostly serious. Tread carefully. If the girl is a single parent she most likely is not DTF. She is also going to be super cautious with anyone she talks too. She is looking not only for a person to date but also an eventual father like figure. This means she wants commitment. If that’s what you are looking for and you are cool with the readymade family then go for it, otherwise you should just keep on browsing.

6) Looking for Friendship Girl: These women are worse than hippies. Who goes on a dating site looking for friendship? I think somewhere these chicks got lost looking for facebook or they just like guys hitting on them, last time I checked that’s what MySpace was for so quit wasting my time and taking up space in the queue.

7) Don’t Message Me I’m Not Interested Girl: Hey again if you don’t need a date or you are not trying to find a date why the hell are you on a dating site. Quit wasting everyone’s time and close your account. Seriously if you have a profile on a dating site guys are going to message you and some of them are bound to drop lame lines. If you don’t like it, delete the message.

8) The I’m Not Sure I’m Ready to Go On a Date Girl: I experienced this one myself. After talking to the girl for a couple of weeks I asked if she wanted to meet up. She said she didn’t know if she should. I’m sitting there thinking then why did you just waste my time. Eventually we did meet up. However she was also the Photo from an angle girl and the soon to be discussed “I love to work out girl.”

9) The I Love to Work Out Girl: Nobody loves to work out and if you did your profile would have you flexing with minimal clothing and descriptions like, “Me with Green Hair.” Or, “Me with Blue hair.” Or, “Me at the gym.” Oh wait that was just one of my Fraternity brothers websites in college. But I imagine anyone who loved to work out would also have a picture of them doing something physical, not an angled head shot or only headshots. Someone who loves to run usually has a picture of them running or after a race. If you enjoy mountain biking there is usually the cliché picture of you next to your bike. But the girl who loves to work out got a gym membership 3 months ago, went twice, and only walked on the treadmill. News flash walking is not working out.

10) The I Don’t Live Anywhere Near You But Think You Are Perfect For Me Girl: This girl just wants to talk. In her head she fantasizes about the day you will meet and fall madly in love. But guess what, I have no effing clue where Richmond, KY is located. If it’s a town that cannot be reached in less than 45 minutes then maybe you shouldn’t message the guy.

Those are my 10 clues for guys on these sites. Now my experience is only from the use of a free dating site which if you are serious about finding a girl I recommend you stay away from, mostly because you will not have to deal with these issues. I hear from friends who have used eHarmony it is worth it. The two I can think of off the top of my head one is engaged to be married later this year and the other has been in a serious long term relationship. Both of the girls are great too.

I will end with my advice to the ladies that create these profiles. Why lie about who you are on your profile? Do you want the guy to show up and then be wildly disappointed? Wouldn’t it be better to never have the guy message you then to have him treat you like crap on a date because you are not who he thought you were or you don’t look anything like the pictures or you don't actually work out even though you said you did? Save yourself the time and the heartache and be honest. Because I bet every one of you has on their profile that you want a guy who is honest and someone that you can trust, although that might be a lie too.

Grandpa Lawton...Thoughts

I started writing a version of this blog about a month ago. I didn’t know what angle to come from though. Last week I found out some news about my Grandfather and for some reason today I had some clarity in what to write. This post is for me to express my thoughts and it will be more serious than, well all of my posts. Last Thursday I received an email from my mom telling my Grandfather was in the hospital. He suffered an aneurism in his aorta and while they were running test they found cancer in his lungs and liver. The initial report is he has 9 months to live. On Sunday I was speaking with my mother and she informed me that they are also running tests to make sure he does not have tuberculosis. She also said that because of his age and the condition he is in there is nothing they can do for him. The tests the doctors ran to get a more accurate timeframe on the cancer have not come in, so we won’t know how aggressive it is for a couple of days.

So why am I telling you this, I don’t really know yet. I don’t know exactly how I feel about it. Some of you may be thinking how someone doesn’t know how they feel about finding out their grandfather is dying. Well I’ll start in the beginning. Growing up my family never lived near the rest of our family. My mom and dad are both from the Midwest. My mom grew up in Michigan and my dad lived in Indiana and Iowa. So it was always a big deal to visit my grandparents and see my cousins. Every Summer I spent a week or two at my dad’s parent’s house, I looked forward to those weeks every year. Sometimes during that trip I would meet up with my mom’s parents for a couple of days. I remember one summer my grandfather let me cut the grass which was exciting because he had a riding lawnmower. I’m 29 and I still think its fun to ride on a riding lawnmower so at 10 this was awesome. My grandparents also bought me my first Michigan hat, which if you know me altered my college sports allegiances for the rest of my life. I remember the years my family was in Indiana at my dad’s parent’s house for Christmas we would take a day to drive to Michigan and celebrate with my mom’s parents. One thing my grandfather always had was a Michigan flag flying from his flag pole. One year we were at my dad’s parents house and my mom’s family came there to celebrate Christmas with us and my grandparents bought me a stuffed Michigan Wolverine and I remember my grandmother telling me it was to remind me to keep my grades up so I could get into college at Michigan. After that the rest of my memories seem to revolve around hospital visits when my grandma was sick before she passed away and when my cousin and her son passed away. There are other happy memories but I don’t have the space to write all of them but these were some of the ones that have always stuck out to me.
In 2002 my grandfather decided to get behind the wheel of his van drunk and got into an accident killing the driver of the other car. My grandfather is an alcoholic, something my parents never told me until this accident. My mom grew up around it but protected us from that. She wanted us to see him as our grandfather and not a man with a substance addiction. I was 21 at the time or close to it. I was turning the age where I no longer had to find someone to get me alcohol. I could just buy it myself. I was also in college which meant I drank a lot. My dad would always say things to me when I was home like you need to watch your drinking, your mom worries about you. I always passed it off saying I wasn’t doing anything he didn’t do in college. In my head I always took my parents comments about drinking to mean, “don’t drink, we think you’re an alcoholic like your grandfather.” My response to this was to drink and drink a lot to prove to them I could handle it and wasn’t like my grandfather. This led me down a path of terrible decisions. I was drinking a lot and almost every night. I would drive and not think anything of it. To me I felt like I was sober enough to do it. Although looking back all I was doing is heading down the same path my grandfather went down at some point in his life. I eventually talked to a guy at school and he told me I was far from where I thought I was, but it was a good thing I had come to talk to him because it meant I knew what I was doing and knew it was wrong. He worked with me and helped me resolve a lot of issues I had with my grandfather. At the time I didn’t want to talk to him ever again. I didn’t understand that he had a disease. What helped me at the time was I had a strong support system with my friends and family who were never going to let me go over the edge with my drinking. (This is not to say I don’t drink anymore, it’s to say that I saw a pending problem and took care of it. Don’t get me wrong there are times I thought I was playing with fire which is the same time I understood my mom’s concerns about my drinking.) Also around that time I received a letter from my grandfather. The letter was basically him apologizing to me for what he put me through (and my family) because of the decisions he made. It was also odd because I was the only one in my house who got a letter from him. I didn’t know why he chose me to apologize too. I think one of my cousins also received a similar letter but I’m not sure. Later I’m going to come back to this letter. My grandfather was put in prison for a couple of years where he did get sober.

A little bit after college I eventually forgave my grandfather for what he put our family through with his decision to drive drunk that day. I realized the only thing that made us different is I didn’t have an accident and I didn’t get caught when I made a stupid decision. One day driving to work I was listening to the radio and Chris Farley’s brother was on talking about a book him and some of Chris’s family and friends wrote about Farley’s life and struggle with drug and alcohol addiction. I soon became obsessed with learning about addictions. In the book a lot of his friends talked about how they would help Chris stop and get clean, but eventually he would fall off the wagon again. His friends eventually got tired of continuing to pick him up. Eventually Chris partied too hard one night and died from an overdose. This book was the first time I thought of alcoholism as a disease and not a personal choice. I also started watching Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab show a few years ago. While it is enjoyable to watch those people in rehab it also opened my eyes to the life of an addict. Dr. Drew always preached having a support group and worked with people to rebuild bonds with family to ensure they would have a strong support group to help in their sobriety. He also stressed sober living environments for many people to keep them away from the triggers that set off their addictions. This is when I realized my grandfather wasn’t doing this stuff to hurt us on purpose. It was the addiction that was making the decisions for him. Some of you may think that makes me naïve, but I would much rather believe my grandfather loves me then think he wants to hurt me.

This morning was when it really kind of clicked for me. I was thinking about the letter. When my grandfather was sober he realized he made mistakes that affected his family. He couldn’t call me because he was in prison so he mailed me a handwritten letter to apologize. I can’t imagine how tough that was for him. I know my grandfather loves me and I love him. I don’t want him to pass on without me telling him that. I don’t want there to be regrets and unresolved issues. If I’m not able to make it out to see him before he passes at least my last memory of my grandfather was a good one. Last April my older brother, two uncles, grandfather and I spent the afternoon together eating together, telling stories, and watching the Tigers play while my mom and the rest of the women were at my sister’s bridal shower. It was a perfect afternoon, when we got to my grandfather’s apartment he had pictures of all of his grandchildren up and you could see how proud of us he was. So maybe I do know how I feel about this after all.

If you made it this far I want to thank you for reading I just needed to express some emotions. I’d also like to ask everyone to keep my family and my grandfather in their prayers as we go through the next few months.